my imaginary cover band 

One of these days—I don’t know when that’s going to be, because I’m way too busy as it is—I’m going to start my own cover band. We’ll play bars. Not nice bars, either. Real dives. Because we’ll suck. Maybe—just maybe—we’ll get good enough to do a wedding or two. 

My imaginary cover band needs a cool name. Here’s what I’ve thought of so far:

  • Chilling Tong
  • Sinister Plumbing
  • Fuguden
  • Angus, Will You Forget the Bloaters?
  • Lunching Sun
  • No Armor Save vs. Head Explosion
  • Keep Voting Republican
  • Nudist Buddha
  • Orbiting Beagle
  • Monkey Dog
  • Headcase Kelly
  • Sucking the Hind Booby
  • Live Mice Sit On Us
  • Don’t Taunt Pepito
  • Too Late--Butterknife!
We won’t bother trying to write original music: I have no musical talent, and anyone who’s out at a bar doesn’t want to hear anything some lame-ass cover band came up with. We’ll specialize in covering songs that weren’t big hits, or were B-sides, or were never released as singles. Stuff like: 
  • “14 Years” by Guns n’ Roses
  • “Empty Spaces” by Pink Floyd
  • “Fist of Rage” by Kid Rock
  • “Hold Me” by Duran Duran
  • “Illegal I Song” by Velvet Revolver
  • “I’m Gonna Crawl” by Led Zeppelin
  • “Ladies Room” by Kiss
  • “Laura” by Billy Joel
  • “Move to the City” by Guns n’ Roses
  • “My Drawers” by The Time
  • “No More, No More” by Aerosmith
  • “Prototype” by Outkast
  • “RV” by Faith No More
  • “She’s Always in My Hair” by Prince
  • “Something in the Way” by Nirvana
  • “Tea in the Sahara” by the Police
  • “The Full Bug” by Van Halen
  • “Walking Towards Paradise” by Robert Plant
  • “Wasted Time” by Skid Row
  • “Where Have All the Good Times Gone” by the Kinks
If you've never heard of these songs...well, maybe you should check them out. Because they're really good.

Now all I need to do is buy a guitar. And get some other musicians. 
 

Posted November 2007